The True Joy of Parenting

My oldest boy, Benjamin is a very smart, bright eyed child. He is always "ready" for anything and generally embraces everything with a "Great!!! Let's do it!" attitude. He is enthusiastic and intense. Benjamin also requires a lot of "work". With his brilliant, intense personality, that boy can give you a run for your money. But I've always felt, that if properly parented, these traits will be a great benefit to him in the "real world". I won't lie to you. It can be tiring and discouraging. 

Yesterday, while cleaning the house from "stem-to-stern" I pulled back Benjamin's curtains to dust the window sill and what did I find?

A Valentine's Day Card

To God.

From Ben.

Do you . . . Fondue?

I have written about the importance of connecting, relationships and friendships before. Life can get so busy or routine that you don't stop and take time to develop and nurture friendships. The irony is: Relationships are what life is all about! Do you find this is true? 

Our church has become fairly large, so the good old fashioned potluck really doesn't "happen" (much to my chagrin). So, I took a concept an old girlfriend of mine had invented called the "Grub Club" and used it as a way to connect with other couples at our church and encourage simple friendship and fellowship. First, you gather about 12 couples together who are interested in connecting (you don't even have to know each other well to start). The concept is that once a month you all gather together at one of the couples houses for dinner. Because you have about 12 couples, you should only have to host once a year. Everyone brings a dish to share and a beverage of choice, with the exception of the hosts -- they just have to have a house ready for company! We come with our food, and leave with our dirty casseroles. We do give permission for one night of paper plates, if only to encourage people that you can have a crowd of people over to your house without stress. So often times this seems to be such a hindrance to inviting folks over to one another's homes. The perception is "We are all so busy, and it's just too much work!" We created an EVITE account for our group. The hosts send out the EVITE in time for everyone to obtain babysitters, usually people will create some type of theme with a little guidance on food. When you RSVP, you write down what dish you plan on bringing -- just so everyone doesn't end up bringing green bean casserole! We have been at it for about one year, have developed deep friendships, and when the EVITE goes out, we all scramble to get our sitters / grandparents lined up so that we can join in the fun! Now you may have done the math and thought to yourself -- EEekkk, 24 people in my house! But, invariably, sadly, people get sick (we missed you Sue and Dave!), have other plans, or can't get a sitter. However, we have proven that even those houses folks say are small -- we can jam into and be perfectly happy!

(Any of you Community Covenant Folks out there ... we are looking for people to start another group, if you're willing and interested. Let me know!)

L-R: Matt, Victor and Me (Sandy)

I'd like to point out my groovin' retro 1970's fondue pot here, inherited from my Mom.

L-R: Carl, Michelle and Kara

Tracey, Peter and Kayla (and Vivian and Jacob's hands "dipping")

Vivian and Jacob

Carl - Cooking a meatball, and being a ham.

Tracey and Peter introduced us to the Oil Fondue, 

where you fry various things in boiling oil. Read about it here.

Victor and I saw a broth version of this called Hotpot while in China -- read about it here.

Invariably, good conversation ensues . . .

If not intense debate and discussion about nearly everything under the sun.

Top good food and good conversation with some healthy competition.

Usually, we get around to playing some games.

(Look at Michelle, eager to buzz Jacob for the smallest slip-up. 

Word on the street has it that she's is gifted at this game. Watch out!)

I think Carl is praying that the "guys" break daunting odds (based on the incredible skill and wisdom of the gals) and win the game of Taboo.

Kara, Matt and Peter

Kara and Matt

Vivian, always the Timer Czar.

(No grace from the timer czar, just in case you were thinking of asking for some.)

PALS

That's P.A.L.S. Pam, Amy, Linda and Sandy. We should have sat in order, but we didn't. What can I say, it was the end of the night! From left to right: Linda, Amy, Sandy and Pam.



Sitting here on this couch is an incredible group of ladies and a testimony to what God can do. You see, about 9 years ago, all four of us were in the middle of the ugly awful thing called divorce. Our spouses had been unfaithful, battled all kinds of addictions, and were abusive physically, verbally or emotionally. We banded together through the most difficult time in our lives, praying for each other, listening to each other, building each other up, and supporting each other -- like in the Old Testament when Moses arms were tired and Aaron and Hur held his arms up, we held each other up through the valleys. Every Friday night we would all gather at my house -- the deal was, I would cook for them and they would clean up after me. (A cooks dream come true!) We were bound together like only God and trials can bind.
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Now, 9 years later, we have all been through counseling, dealt with our past and with God's help come out whole. Three out of four of us are remarried to wonderful, supportive, kind hearted, faithful men. And Amy, who was a little hesitant to embark again into this sometimes scary and uncertain journey called marriage, is finally open to the idea. And after being with all of us and our wonderful men on Thursday night is even embracing the possibility! God is Good.
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Now we are dispersed over Missouri, Massachusetts, Northern Rhode Island and Southern Rhode Island, so we are rarely all together in one place. Joy! From left to right: Victor, Pam's children Aimee, Allegra, Zackery; Amy, Benjamin, Ken, Linda, Pam, Kevin ... and the back of Ripley's head.

We ate Vegetarian Chili (recipe forthcoming) and Chicken Soup, with Strawberry Spinach Salad, Gorgeous Bread and rich conversation. It was such a joy to see you all!

A quick word about divorce. If any of you are considering divorce, let me be sure and tell you that it is a horrible thing. There is a reason that "God hates Divorce", it's because it rips apart everyone in it's path. All four of us would say that it's something to avoid at all costs. We did our best to be guided by God and to honor Him with our behavior and choices throughout our whole ordeal. In a word, if you are considering divorce -- don't. There are few situations that merit embarking on such an awful trail. It is a lot less painful to work it out, compromise and love the unlovable. Pray, and be guided by God. Divorce is not an easy solution to marital problems.

If you have already experienced divorce, know that God can see you through, heal your wounds and bring you to a place of peace and joy, with a lot of work and commitment on your part. Make sure to pray through it, get support and surround yourself with real friends (who don't just tell you what you want to hear, and show up when you need them). Start your own Friday Night Dinner Club.
Peace.
Sandy

The New Year, Aprons and Friends

Human beings are hardwired to hope, to desire forgiveness and to start over. Don't you think? Personally, I think this is because we are all hard wired to search after God. Thinking on this opportunity to start over everyday -- and this year in particular, I've been singing the song "Your mercies are new every morning". Actually, come to find out it's titled "The Steadfast Love" . . .
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The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases

His mercies never come to an end

They are new every morning, new every morning

Great is Thy faithfulness,

Oh Lord Great is Thy faithfulness.
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This song comes in part from Lamentations 3:22-24 (New International Version)
22 Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

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At the start of this new year, what ways will you be examining your life, looking for ways to improve and setting new goals? Here are a few of mine:

• Read through again the bible in total. It's been about 5 years since I last did. (Anyone want to join me?)


• Take time to exercise more regularly. In Serve God, Save the Planet Matthew Sleeth talks about how hard work around the house serves to provide exercise. And, it does to some degree -- but not quite enough. Thankfully, my exercise of choice is running. All it takes is about 45 minutes from beginning to end and a pair of running shoes. Thanks to my running buddy Bethanie, I usually manage to run once a week. This year, I'm joining up with some local women to run on a more frequent basis (look out Bethanie!).


• Cultivate the fruit of patience, gentleness and self control in my life. Galatians 5 talks about the Fruit of the Spirit in the life of a Christian. It says: "22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control." The gist of this is that as you become closer to God, through Jesus, the fruit (or the evidence) of your relationship with Him will flourish and grow. This fruit will be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When the boys are at each others throats and we are running late, the phone rings and the dog won't come inside -- I'm not the picture of patience, gentleness and self control.


• Make sure to spend quality time with friends! Don't you think, in this day and age so many people lose sight of investing in friendship? And, I don't mean texting someone, emailing someone or waving as you pass by -- I'm talking about inviting people that you see throughout your daily life over to your house for coffee or dinner or a glass of wine, for good meaningful conversation. Relationship is what life here on earth is all about -- PEOPLE. They expose our flaws and help us to improve. They make our lives rich. All of the verses in the bible are meaningless unless you "work them out" with people in meaningful relationships.
Having people over doesn't have to be fancy or complicated. On Sunday, with friends Michelle and Carl, we watched the Patriots win, but lose their opportunity to be in the playoffs, and chatted about nearly everything under the sun -- much to Victor's chagrin. Depending on the subject matter -- he teased us that we were being way to serious for football.
• Carve more off of our budget spending.
  
• Organize job lists and do a better job holding my children accountable to do them. Give my 9+ year old more responsibility.
  
• Attack problem areas of clutter. Recipes, pictures, crafts, the Laundry Room!
  

How about you?

I didn't mention to you that this Christmas was the YEAR of the APRON! A total of eight aprons were given on Christmas Day! I received 3!!! (Gee, what? Is it that obvious that I love to cook??) I thought you might like to see them. They are fabulous!

A Cupcake Apron . . .

A Ruffley Apron . . .

A Cheery Cherry Apron . . .

Ripley had fun with his friend Ian too . . . they had some fun with uh . . . milk.

While we were watching the Patriots, the boys were in the kitchen eating their pizza and . . . having a little fun.

Good grief.

Sunblock Stains ... success!

Well, I found something that dramatically helped a BRAND NEW SHIRT that had gotten sunblock stains on it. It had been washed at least two times before, trying to solve the problem. It had orange splotches all over it! Sad. So, I made a solution of: Juice of 1/2 a lemon, about 1 T salt and 1 T borax. (somewhere I'd read about salt helping, and borax I use when making my own laundry soap) Well, it worked!!! There is still one small mark that I will attack again, but you will have to take my word for it ... this shirt (that I'd bought on sale at JCrew and had worn only once) was totally unwearable -- now -- VIOLA! It's great. So there you go ... a solution to combat sunblock stains that won't hurt the environment, you or your clothing! Yipee! (I still think that sunblock manufacturers should make sunblock that doesn't stain your clothing ... but that's ANOTHER subject!) Now, I must sign-off because it's actually NOT RAINING AT ALL today! Time to work on my garden (at last) and get to work on my cold frames. Be well.

Your Evening Rituals

What is your evening routine? Yesterday was the 8th annual Family Day - A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children - “a national movement to inform parents that the parental engagement fostered during frequent family dinners is an effective tool to help keep America’s kids substance free.” Who knew? As it just so happens, we did eat dinner together last night. As a matter of fact it was the beginning of a new effort on my part -- PEACE. We make every effort to eat all together and have a sit down homemade meal together every night -- except date night. So, like with most things, if I don't plan ahead and get myself organized things can get chaotic. For most parents with school aged kids the craziest times of the day come when everyone leaves and when everyone returns. The biggest tool to use against this mayhem is planning and organizing -- and of course setting an objective. Now, they may have gotten a bit too carried away in the 50's with women welcoming their working husbands home dressed to the 9's with pearls and an apron with a "Welcome home dear! How was your day dear!" and a martini. However, on the flip side, what can develop over here if I don't put my mind to it, plan and organize is lunacy. I'm finishing up with dinner (or worse, just starting it), Benjamin works on his homework -- asking questions, getting distracted by: Ripley who is saying he's hungry wanting attention ... a playmate. The two boys start bickering in someway and Victor walks in. I immediately give him 12 jobs and ask him how his day was as I race to finish dinner, correct and redirect the kids, and try to smile and look cute. Now I am trying to recommit myself to having dinner pretty much ready and organized before he gets home. Do you ever feel like you and your spouse never have a decent conversation? Well, it's no wonder why! Yesterday -- for the first time in months -- dinner was pretty much all prepped and organized, the table was set. We sat down with a hunk of cheese (his parents has brought back from a recent trip to Portugal) and had a glass of wine and chatted about our days. I'd put out some things for Ripley to "work" on, and Benjamin was finishing up his homework. Wow. It wasn't perfect (there is always something) but it was pretty dern good.

Be Encouraged! You can make a difference!

When my sister-in-law Tanya recommended the book Serve God Save the Planet to me she commented on one important statement that spoke to her in the book. That was that you can make a difference doing your part to stop living an "unsustainable" life of waste and impact the planet that God entrusted to our care in a positive way. Sometimes it's difficult to feel like you can actually impact anything ... so why bother ... goes the reasoning. But, as many of us do our small parts -- we can make a difference.

Last year when I started this journey (the above) I started recycling with a vengeance. Our town doesn't have a trash service so you either have to go to the dump yourself or hire a service to carry trash and recyclables away. When I noticed our service Waste Tech dumping my carefully collected recyclables into the same section as the trash in their truck -- I started some investigating. They claimed that they took it to a neighboring town and someone went through it and took out the recyclables. I called the man in charge of such things here -- at the Health Department of all things -- and inquired. It's illegal in Massachusetts and in Rehoboth to throw recyclables into the trash. If Waste Tech was doing this, they were breaking the law. I started chatting with everyone I ran into about this matter and found myself speaking to a woman who volunteers at the "trash center" in this neighboring town that Waste Tech was supposedly having their recylceables sorted. So, she picked up the phone and inquired if they offered a sorting service -- come to find out, there is someone who goes through the trash, but that's just to remove big things like coffee makers, computers, etc., not your basic everyday recyclables. So, I called up Waste Tech and discontinued my service, called the head of the Health Department (also an adamant recycler) -- he was going to start investigating (this was the third inquiry he'd gotten on the subject in one week) and asking questions, and I started telling all my neighbors who used Waste Tech. Several of my neighbors as a consequence discontinued their service -- to the point where one of the people at Waste Tech reportedly said "What is with your neighborhood??!"

Last week I noticed some new Waste Tech recycling bins on the side of the road. So, when I saw the Waste Tech trash truck rolling by I pulled into someone's driveway to investigate and question the driver. I asked if they were still throwing the recyclables into the trash truck and the man informed me that they have a Recycling Truck that comes by separately. I explained that I'd never seen such a truck. But, don't you know, a few hours later one drove by my house! It looks shiny and new like it just drove out of the sales lot with freshly painted words on the side that reads "Rehoboth Recycles". Wow. Cool eh?

In another example of how you can impact our world, my husband Victor reported to me that the dudes at the dump told him to throw my carefully collected light bulbs into the "furniture bin" -- which basically means we won't charge you for dumping it but we are not recycling it either. Victor also said that he saw computer monitors and a t.v. set in there. I was astounded. "I've got to call my friend Bob at the Health Department!" I announced. Bob now knows me by name and recognizes me driving down the road. Anyway, I expressed my surprise and concern to him about the light bulbs -- and he too was surprised!! Come to find out there IS a special bin for all of these things but we weren't being told to put these toxic items in it! He was glad to hear about the problem and was going down for a visit to solve it, pronto. Wow!

You too can make an impact. Keep your eyes peeled and your investigative mind working. Making a few calls and chatting with dump truck driver, neighbors and friends is something an at home mom juggling kids, schedules and homemaking can do and have an impact! Be encouraged!