Letting Go

My first born boy. Off to middle school. For the first time he walks to the end of the road to wait for the bus. Because our town is so rural, school buses pick up children at their driveway all the way through elementary school.

Yesterday Ripley and I walked with Benjamin to the bus stop. Today I just let him go. It seems so silly in retrospect, as I walked to school -- a long way -- from 2nd grade on, with my kindergarden aged brother in tow. Crossing streets without crossing guards. So, walking down the street to the bus stop is nothing compared to that. But it's hard for a momma not used to such a thing. Lord, watch over him. Send your angels to protect his path.

Incidentally, yesterday afternoon Benjamin covered his first school book. We did it the old fashioned way with a used paper bag. Half way through Benjamin says, "Mommy why don't we use the ones you buy?" "Awww," I responded "those paper ones always ripped." "Mommy, now they have plastic stretchy ones, or ones that are like felt that stretch and they're really cool." "Oh" I said. "Well, I like the tradition of the old kind anyway ... and then you get to decorate it! That's fun, right?" I'm going to be 42 in September, is it showing yet? Good grief.

Fathers: Invaluable

When Victor and I were married, he became a father. A step-father to my son Benjamin from my first marriage. He embraced his role seriously, enthusiastically and thoughtfully. Victor has been more diligent about going to Benjamin's parent-teacher conferences than he has Ripley's (granted, Ripley is only in preschool). He has in his mind, and knows that one day he will get the push-back from Benjamin in a heated moment, probably in his teens: "But you are not my real dad . . . " He thoughtfully and energetically invests time and demonstrates his love and commitment, assuming that that day will come. I will be forever grateful that Victor has been a reliable, committed, loving father figure who has integrity. 

At the same time Victor and I are positive and supportive of Benjamin's visits with his biological father. Benjamin visits with him on Wednesday nights and every other weekend. It is hard to share your child. But a child psychologist we consulted when my ex-husband was going through his second divorce said that unless a father is dangerous in some way, any short comings are far outweighed by the importance of having a bond with your father -- flaws and all -- knowing that he wants to spend time with you and loves you in the best way he knows how. Fatherhood is powerful, isn't it?

When Ripley was born, Victor was in awe. I don't think he could believe he'd been given such a miraculous blessing. At first, we had both wanted a girl. But when Victor saw this perfect little bundle arrive through the miraculous process called birth, looking so much like himself with his Portuguese skin tone, his long thin legs, his long slender hands, his dark brown eyes and eyelashes, and much to his relief and my disappointment -- my reasonable nose, he was speechless. 

He wouldn't let that baby out of his sight. Victor followed Ripley wherever the nurses or doctors dragged him. Shots. Baths. You name it, Victor followed that bassinet cart and stood outside the door and waited until they brought him his baby back. It was the most precious thing I'd ever seen. 

To me, fathers are teachers and doers, and it is their presence and investment in their children that demonstrates their love. I know my perception is stereotypical, but this has been my experience. While moms are throwing dinner together in the kitchen, it is your father who shows you how to mow the lawn. While Mom is bringing wood in for the stove, Dad is teaching you how to split it and stack it. While I am stressed out thinking of the laundry that needs to be folded, or the floor that needs vacuuming, Victor is at peace spending two hours with the boys outside practicing baseball. Maybe it's that sixth-sense that women have about all that needs to be done, and the absence of that sense that many men have that make them good fathers. While I'm throwing the frisbee to the boys, I may pick up the broom and start sweeping the garage. Not exactly what you'd call "present in the moment". 

Growing up with a house full of boys and a mother who could managed them all, kill a chicken and be a star at the golf club, my father taught me to be a strong self-assured daring woman for my generation. Even though I was a girly-girl and insisted on wearing dresses and skirts that twirled, my father didn't treat me any differently than my younger brother. He taught me to give a firm handshake and look that person right in the eye. I helped mow the lawn and stack wood. He had no interest in a house full of whiners and insisted that we were 'tough'. We painted and schlepped,  sanded and hammered, assisted and cleaned up after him. He taught me to mow without 'holidays', to garden and weed, to churn ice cream and row a boat, roll a sleeping bag and cook bacon, to ski, skate, swim, dive, ride my bike and be brave. While my mother was expressing grave concern on the sidelines during any of our adventures, Dad would say "Ahhhhh, they'll be fine, let them go . . . " He taught me to lick my wound slap a bandaide on it and move on. He taught me the importance of working hard and playing hard. He taught me that you can still be a serious, smart person and occasionally wear a costume. 

Whatever your political views, I think it's hard to disagree with President Obama's thoughts on fatherhood and I applaud him for addressing this important issue. Here is an excerpt from an article he wrote for Parade Magazine this week:

"In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence—both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference.  

That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one. 

See family photos of Obama  and his daughters

As fathers, we need to be involved in our children’s lives not just when it’s convenient or easy, and not just when they’re doing well—but when it’s difficult and thankless, and they’re struggling. That is when they need us most. 

And it’s not enough to just be physically present. Too often, especially during tough economic times like these, we are emotionally absent: distracted, consumed by what’s happening in our own lives, worried about keeping our jobs and paying our bills, unsure if we’ll be able to give our kids the same opportunities we had. 

Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall.  

So we need to step out of our own heads and tune in. We need to turn off the television and start talking with our kids, and listening to them, and understanding what’s going on in their lives. 

We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done. We need to say to our daughters, Don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for your goals. We need to tell our sons, Those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in our house, we find glory in achievement, self-respect, and hard work. 

We need to realize that we are our children’s first and best teachers. When we are selfish or inconsiderate, when we mistreat our wives or girlfriends, when we cut corners or fail to control our tempers, our children learn from that—and it’s no surprise when we see those behaviors in our schools or on our streets."

As a mother of two boys, I appreciate the knowledge and understanding that my father has about what it means to be a boy. As a grandfather, although he has high expectations for his grandchildren, he also has a lot of understanding and encouragement to offer a mother beside herself wondering how to manage a bright, intense son. He can see through the challenges of youth through to the gifts that will grow into something fabulous. He, like Victor, can't believe that he's been blessed with five beautiful, healthy, bright Grandchildren to teach and "do" life with. And sometimes I think he's speechless when he thinks about the blessing of having raised two children that through thick and through thin, came out wonderfully. I know he's proud. Now, sometimes, we teach him a thing or two. We are thankful for the privilege of having Dads and a "Gramp" who've taken the time to invest in us, love us, support us and actively be there with us as we "do" life. We love you.

Life's rhythms

Here in New England, where we have such well defined seasons, life has a certain rhythm to it. 

In the wintertime you are hard pressed to see any of your neighbors. Everyone is hunkered down inside of their warm (relatively speaking) houses around the fire. Everything is slow. You would think this quiet time would be a good time for socializing, but really it's not what happens. People keep to themselves. If you want to be social, you've got to make it happen. For the most part, as a society everyone is tucked inside reading, watching t.v., playing video games, playing board games, and perhaps escaping to go out to dinner in between snow, sleet and slush.

When the weather breaks, just like honey bees breaking their 'cluster' to see if it's warm enough to venture outside, you start to see your neighbors. When springtime comes people start going on walks. Suddenly, everyone is working on their yard and the children are outside playing on their driveways. I always forget how busy spring is. As a gardener, as soon as the weather is warm enough I am outside non-stop, unless it's raining. I find myself 'going out into the real world' decked out in my messy gardening clothes, because what's the point of taking them off for 10 minutes just to go and pick up Ripley at preschool? To look at me, people must be worried that I'm losing my faculties, to go out looking so . . . grungy. In the wintertime I would be starved for companionship, for daytime conversation with adults. But in the spring, I am content to be by myself working in my garden all day long. It's wonderful. There is a hope in the air. 

In the summertime, it is a social frenzy. New Englanders (I won't speak for the rest of the world) race around to do all that we had hoped and dreamed to do during those long winter months before it starts snowing again! We zip to the beach. We zip to go camping. We race from Bar-B-Q to Bar-B-Q horrified that soon we will be back to cooking and eating indoors. We go out to eat and sit outside and soak in the warm sun. It's a very strange phenomenon. It's almost comical. Trying to schedule time with your friends during the summer months is like trying to get a place on the dance card of the most beautiful girl in the room. 

Invariably, as the weather starts to turn again, we try to pack any remaining activities into the warm days that come our way. Autumn is beautiful in New England, but it's a little bit like an old fashioned New Orleans funeral. The music is rich and vibrant, but there is a sadness in the air. A mourning. A quietness that begins to envelop us. 

So for now, I will embrace the hope of things to come, of seeds planted, of trees cared for, of plans to be made, of bees to be born and chicks to be raised. If you're wondering where I am, or where I've been, check my garden. You'll find me there digging in the dirt with JOY, and dreaming of the summer fun to come . . . 

Thankfulness

It has been five years, five years and I am so thankful.

Just five short years ago, in this very spot, on this very day . . . 

I married my Lovey, Victor.

He is the best thing that's ever been given to me, and I am so thankful.

I love you Lovey.

Helpful Tools

I want to pass along some helpful tools that I think are terrific that I've used recently for a friend of mine. 

If you know anyone who needs meals, rides, errands -- perhaps someone who has just had a baby, someone who has gone through surgery, or someone battling an illness, there is a great online tool that is very effective. It's called Care Calendar. Through this you are able to show what the specific needs are. Then, people who want to help log-on and fulfill the need that works for their schedule. This is especially helpful if you are the person responsible for organizing such things. All you need to do is direct volunteers to the site. It's very user friendly and effective. 

Also, particularly for someone who is going through a surgery of some kind or battling an illness, Caring Bridge is a site where you can create a page where friends and family can find out how they are doing, how their treatment is going, make comments and keep in touch. 

Information about these sites seem to travel largely through word-of-mouth. Pass it on. They are excellent tools.

A Day of Winter in New England

Well, we ended up with about eight inches of snow. It would have been a lot more if we hadn't gotten an inch or two of sleet at the front end of the storm. I love a snow day. There is something so surprising and exciting about it. It's like a favorite visitor that comes from out of town by surprise. Your whole routine is thrown out the window and suddenly there are all kinds of fun things to do. This surprise visit was a little bittersweet though. We had just gotten rid of our blanket of snow that had covered our grass, gardens, sidewalks, playgrounds (Benjamin's school won't allow the kids to play on the playground until the snow is gone!) all winter long. For us here in Southeastern New England, this is rare. Usually our snow sticks around for a few days and then melts into a slushy mess, then goes away. I know, we should probably count ourselves fortunate. I digress . . .

The boys played outside on three separate occasions. Suiting up in snow pants, hats, mittens, scarves, and heading out. They made a lame attempt at shoveling. Tried to sled around the house. Played in the woods. Later in the day, some neighborhood kids came over to play. The kids has a great time flying down the slide on our swing set over and over and over again. Just good clean fun. 

Here and there throughout the day I made Kale Soup, Granola and a new recipe for healthy granola bars that of course I altered slightly (I'll share that with you later). At one point, I suited up, went outside and started to shovel our driveway. We have never purchased a snowblower or paid to have our driveway plowed. We don't have an especially long driveway, but it's long enough. Usually (since we've been married) this is Victor's job. But, he was not coming home until late (dinner meeting) so I decided I'd give him the gift of my hard labor. It was heavy snow because of the sleet we recieved at the start of the storm, so by the time I reached the road I had a lot of respect for my husband! No exercise or "toning" needed today Sole Sisters! 

We wrapped up the day with some Little House in the Prarie. 

Earlier in the day there was a classic lesson in parenting for me. Whew. It was rough. Benjamin had gone into the garage, pulled out a sled and accidentally made all of the skis fall onto the ground that had been leaning up against the wall. Then, he left it all there - in a heap for the "maid" to clean up. (Just a guess.) When I peeked my head outside to talk to the boys and noticed the large mess I called Benjamin in to the garage and told him to clean up the mess. Benjamin proceeded to have a meltdown. He didn't understand why he had to pick up the mess. I went through the basic explaination. Gee, who did you think was going to clean up the mess? Did he have a personal maid that came along and cleaned up after him? If Mommy accidentally knocked all of the skis down, I'd clean up after myself. Just because it was an accident doesn't mean you are off the hook. He melted down and had a tantrum. Yes indeed. At the age of 9+. "I can't do it!" "I need help!" Tears, the flapping of arms, the whole bit. Understand that the boy skis. He knows how to handle skis and how to stack them (like when you're going in for lunch). He just didn't want to do it. I held my ground and finally (after going out for a third time to tell him to get going on the clean-up) explained that as a consequence of not listening to his Mommy, he would have to spend the remainder of his day in his room. Then I left and went back inside. It's in these moments where you question if you're being unreasonable, too strict . . . if you should just cave and help the poor dude out. But, I decided to stick with it. And you know what, in very short order I saw Benjamin romping around in the back woods (lamenting a little bit). I checked the garage, and he'd done a fabulous job. After a little while, when I saw him back in the front yard again, I told him that he'd done a terrific job. But, damn, he sure did give me a run for my money. Sheesh. Parenting is not easy, even if you feel like you're doing the right thing -- it's tough. 

The rest of our day was as smooth as silk. 

The True Joy of Parenting

My oldest boy, Benjamin is a very smart, bright eyed child. He is always "ready" for anything and generally embraces everything with a "Great!!! Let's do it!" attitude. He is enthusiastic and intense. Benjamin also requires a lot of "work". With his brilliant, intense personality, that boy can give you a run for your money. But I've always felt, that if properly parented, these traits will be a great benefit to him in the "real world". I won't lie to you. It can be tiring and discouraging. 

Yesterday, while cleaning the house from "stem-to-stern" I pulled back Benjamin's curtains to dust the window sill and what did I find?

A Valentine's Day Card

To God.

From Ben.

Do you . . . Fondue?

I have written about the importance of connecting, relationships and friendships before. Life can get so busy or routine that you don't stop and take time to develop and nurture friendships. The irony is: Relationships are what life is all about! Do you find this is true? 

Our church has become fairly large, so the good old fashioned potluck really doesn't "happen" (much to my chagrin). So, I took a concept an old girlfriend of mine had invented called the "Grub Club" and used it as a way to connect with other couples at our church and encourage simple friendship and fellowship. First, you gather about 12 couples together who are interested in connecting (you don't even have to know each other well to start). The concept is that once a month you all gather together at one of the couples houses for dinner. Because you have about 12 couples, you should only have to host once a year. Everyone brings a dish to share and a beverage of choice, with the exception of the hosts -- they just have to have a house ready for company! We come with our food, and leave with our dirty casseroles. We do give permission for one night of paper plates, if only to encourage people that you can have a crowd of people over to your house without stress. So often times this seems to be such a hindrance to inviting folks over to one another's homes. The perception is "We are all so busy, and it's just too much work!" We created an EVITE account for our group. The hosts send out the EVITE in time for everyone to obtain babysitters, usually people will create some type of theme with a little guidance on food. When you RSVP, you write down what dish you plan on bringing -- just so everyone doesn't end up bringing green bean casserole! We have been at it for about one year, have developed deep friendships, and when the EVITE goes out, we all scramble to get our sitters / grandparents lined up so that we can join in the fun! Now you may have done the math and thought to yourself -- EEekkk, 24 people in my house! But, invariably, sadly, people get sick (we missed you Sue and Dave!), have other plans, or can't get a sitter. However, we have proven that even those houses folks say are small -- we can jam into and be perfectly happy!

(Any of you Community Covenant Folks out there ... we are looking for people to start another group, if you're willing and interested. Let me know!)

L-R: Matt, Victor and Me (Sandy)

I'd like to point out my groovin' retro 1970's fondue pot here, inherited from my Mom.

L-R: Carl, Michelle and Kara

Tracey, Peter and Kayla (and Vivian and Jacob's hands "dipping")

Vivian and Jacob

Carl - Cooking a meatball, and being a ham.

Tracey and Peter introduced us to the Oil Fondue, 

where you fry various things in boiling oil. Read about it here.

Victor and I saw a broth version of this called Hotpot while in China -- read about it here.

Invariably, good conversation ensues . . .

If not intense debate and discussion about nearly everything under the sun.

Top good food and good conversation with some healthy competition.

Usually, we get around to playing some games.

(Look at Michelle, eager to buzz Jacob for the smallest slip-up. 

Word on the street has it that she's is gifted at this game. Watch out!)

I think Carl is praying that the "guys" break daunting odds (based on the incredible skill and wisdom of the gals) and win the game of Taboo.

Kara, Matt and Peter

Kara and Matt

Vivian, always the Timer Czar.

(No grace from the timer czar, just in case you were thinking of asking for some.)

Our Addiction to Soda

I have been slowly plodding through The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. It is a very informative read about the United States food system and it's evolution. And it's not a pretty picture. 

When I was reading through portions of the book that talk about "HFCS" or High Fructose Corn Syrup and how much of it sneaks it's way into our diets thanks in part to the U.S. Government's policies encouraging the modern farmer to produce corn, corn and more corn, I was taken aback when I read just how much soda the average American consumes annually. (now I can't find that exact quote in the book, so I looked it up online) As of the year 2000 the number was at 53 GALLONS of soda per person, per year. That's in addition to any other sugary / HFCS that Americans consume. Soda is the #1 source of sugar in the American diet. The average teen in America consumes 750 cans of soda a year. Soda contributes to about 10% of calories in the American diet. 

According to the USDA, in 1983 boys consumed more than twice as much milk than soft drinks, and girls consumed 50% more milk than soft drinks. By 1996, boys and girls consumed twice as much soda as milk.  Wow. That's BOYS and GIRLS! Children. This is mind boggling to me. 

Just this week I watched a segment on 20/20 by Diane Sawyer titled "Children of the Mountain" where she interviewed children in eastern Kentucky. She was exploring their schools, their standard of living, coal mining, alcoholism, drug addiction and their diet. Apparently folks in the mountains of Kentucky are addicted to Mountain Dew. Adults are putting the stuff in sippy cups! This is the children's main beverage. When a traveling dentist featured in the show (who gives children free dental care) asked children whose teeth were rotting (brown and misshapen) what they drank, the children responded "Mountain Dew". Not "milk, juice, water and Mountain Dew". Nope. Just "Mountain Dew".  As an aside, the folks at Pepsi who make Mountain Dew came out (trying to put a damper on this public relations nightmare) and explained that they were concerned "about overuse or misuse of the soda by small children" and promised to buy the traveling dentist an additional van to compliment the traveling dentist office (built on a 18 wheeler flatbed truck). This was after making a hideous statement claiming that Diane Sawyer's news was " . . . old irresponsible news . . . " and that " . . . it was preposterous to blame soft drinks or any one food for poor dental health". Really? Then how about diabetes? 

This is not just relegated to the mountains of Kentucky however. We followed our long time pediatrician to a clinic when he had to close his office. The pediatric clinic serves a lot of low income, inner-city families. When we went there recently, our pediatrician explained that there was an incredible pediatric dental office upstairs. He added that this was a good thing and a necessity because so many of the children were given so much sugar in their diet that their teeth were rotting. Children would go into the clinic and have multiple teeth pulled at their first visit. Sad. 

Since Benjamin was a baby our pediatrician has encouraged us to serve only milk and water to our children for beverages. Our pediatrician has discouraged us from giving our children juice because of it's highly concentrated sugar content (albeit from fruit). 

What are we thinking? Why are we consuming all of this stuff? It's an addiction to caffeine and sugar. There is no nutritional value in soda -- (and diet soda is just as bad thanks to all of the artificial sweeteners). Water from the tap is pretty much free -- even if you get a water bill -- and has more regulations to pass than bottled water for safety.  Mountain Dew incidentally has 50% more caffeine than Coke or Pepsi, and has a high acid level making the risk for tooth decay even worse.

One of the things that Michael Pollan points out in The Omnivore's Dilemma is the lack of nutritional value per calorie when we are eating processed foods with (even without) HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup). There is wisdom in eating unprocessed, whole foods. If you are looking for nutritional value, whole foods are less expensive. Sadly, an unhealthy meal from McDonald's with very little nutritional value and plenty of unhealthy ingredients, is very inexpensive. But processed foods with little nutritional value leave you unsatisfied and wanting more. Why are Americans suffering from obesity and diabetes? Gee, isn't it obvious?

What do we have on hand to drink in our home for our children? Water (filtered, from the well) and Milk, from the local milkman.  What do we have on hand to drink in our home for the adults? Water, Milk, Green Tea, Herbal Teas, Coffee (our one cup a day!) and Red Wine. 

Feeling the Chill?

You could say that. Here I am sitting in our home at a balmy 61 degrees in my full length down coat on. I'd had it. It's usually warmer inside, thanks to our wood stove, but we are fresh out of wood. I turned up the heat because this isn't living. Is it? Take my poll. What temperature is your thermostat set at?

(Incidentally, the adorable wood print hanging on my wall was done by a close college friend Ruthy. We were Fine Art majors, so when it was time for Christmas, birthdays, Valentines Day, we gave one another our art. So I am blessed to have the artwork of my college friends all over my home. I think of them often.)

To Speak or Not to Speak

When do you get involved with bickering between your children? That is the question!

Generally I err (like error) on the side of speaking too frequently. I have a difficult time standing by while one child gets picked on or deliberately irritated by the other. But if we as parents are always getting involved, how do they learn to "work things out" on their own? It's painful for me to listen to one child being manipulated, or bugged while I stand idly by. The other down side of becoming overly involved is that you end up (I end up) sounding like an angry referee all the time. "Benjamin, stop teasing your brother." "Ripley, mind your own business." "Benjamin, Ripley can do it by himself." "Ripley, Benjamin is doing his homework, give him some space." Unattractive. Unpleasant. 

Yesterday I made and very specific effort to say nothing. The boys were arguing upstairs while brushing their teeth and hair before school. Sometimes Benjamin will do things for Ripley just to get his goat. So Benjamin, true to form, was putting toothpaste on Ripley's toothbrush.

Ripley insists "Benjamin, I can do it by myself!!!"

Benjamin defends "I'm just trying to help you!" 

Ripley stands his ground "I can dooooooo iiiiiitttt!"

This type of thing went on and on. Finally they worked it out and got the job done. But it was torturous. 

On the drive to school (as the boys were getting a bit wild in the back seat) I was thinking about a conversation I had with my father over the weekend. He grew up in a home with four boys. He was the youngest and most mischievous, but also the one most commonly picked on (at least that's his side of the story, his brothers claim he was the most defended and still tease him "Awwwww, poor Billy!"). It's amazing to hear all of the things these boys did to each other in their home. I am certain as a parent I would have been putting my foot down a lot more often. I asked Dad at what point his parents got involved while they were wrestling in the house (four boys!), playing tricks on or just torturing each other. He said they generally didn't. (Disobedience on the other hand was a whole 'nother story!) Apparently my Uncle Ol' C (aka: Uncle Dick) as one of the brightest in the bunch (according to Dad), really drove his parents bananas with his arguing, rationalizing and justifying. Dad chalks this up to a brilliant mind and thinks this is part of my struggle with Benjamin -- who effortlessly gets A's without any guidance from me. The ironic thing is, the more I get involved, the more arguing, rationalizing and justifying I hear. All of my uncles (and father) turned out to be wonderful men, so maybe there is wisdom in the old saying "boys will be boys".  Just let them work it out, and buy a pair of earplugs.

How about you? What do you think?

Fellowship

This is my church on a typical Sunday morning (yesterday to be exact). This is the Cafe. There is a 9:00 and 10:45 a.m. service -- so before, even during, and after the service people swarm into the Cafe for free food and beverages. For those who for whatever reason feel more comfortable outside of a traditional service setting - you can even watch Pastor Dennis preach on a big screen inside the Cafe while eating your morning muffin and cup of coffee. I love this part of church. 

One of the most important parts about going to church in the first place is fellowship. Connecting with others, sharing your life with one another, bringing up the fact that this past week has been a tough one, or celebrate an accomplishment with a friend. 

Life can be an isolating experience. It is important to purposefully make an effort to connect with others. Sometimes it is easier to simply stay at home and clean your house for the forth time this week, or watch another three hours of television. Living is about relationship and in order to have relationship -- meaningful relationships -- you have to first get out of your house. Facebook and email don't count (either does blogging). 

Even the kids have time for fellowship at "the kids table" -- you can see Ripley in the faded orange sweatshirt on the left. The kids table is actually a great place for adults to get to know one another. Invariably we all end up talking about our children's behavior or eating habits, life with kids, life before kids, etc., etc. 

Here you can see Victor involved in some type of meaningful conversation with friends. I'd like to point out here how impressed I am that Matt and Kara brought their own coffee mugs from home. Blush. Does it count that I remembered to do that last week?! Invariably when the second service starts, one of our Pastors - Sean, gathers everyone up and explains that if you are here to watch the second service, it is beginning, if your just gabbing -- exit stage left. We like to tease him sarcastically "Geee Sean, you sure are friendly here at Community Covenant Church!" As we gather up our kids, our handbags and coats and skidaddle. Every pastor should be so blessed to have a room full of fellowshipping jabbermouths. Right Sean? :)

Too Many Toys?

Recently, I've been wondering about toys. Do my children have enough toys? Sometimes when I go over to a friend's house, I wonder. All of the newest gadgets and novelties, lined up ready for playing. My oldest, Benjamin has been around and "collecting" toys for nearly 10 years (in May). As they break I sift through them and try to keep them "fresh". We have the wooden train set, the electric train, the Lego's, the blocks, dress-up stuff, puzzles, matchbox cars, games, learning games, chess, microscope and other scientific things for Benjamin . . . When people ask what my children need for gifts (birthdays and holidays) I am usually at a loss. We haven't gone down the video game route: the Wee, PlayStation or GameBoy. 

Then, on Monday when I had both boys at home, I watched them play. Most of their "play" is inventive and imaginative. Maybe it involves a few cars, but not on a track. A ball, but not in a net. We have had plenty of snow to play in, so I sent them out to do a little shoveling (you know how jobs go for kids, it's the effort that counts) and to fetch a load of wood on their sleds. They had more fun. In short order they were sledding around the yard. And after lunch we went outside again to build snow forts. 

All day long, we didn't turn on the television or play video games (that stands to reason, since we don't have any). Sometimes I wonder (when my boys were bickering about who was or wasn't doing their job) if parents today don't want to do the work involved in good parenting. At one point, early in the day, I thought "Gee, it would be so easy to just plunk them in front of THE BOX." But, I didn't, and I think my boys are better for it. We had such a blast building "igloos" at the entrance to our driveway where the snow piled high from passing plows and Victor's shoveling. One for each boy.

I joked that they should spend the night out in their igloos. That was a bad idea. They both jumped at the chance and I had to explain that I was just kidding, and that we would need lots of leather, fur, wool and fire to get through the night without freezing. 

With too many toys, video games, computer games and television -- what's the incentive for trudging out of doors to let your imagination run wild?

Ramblings

On Monday Benjamin announced "Mommy, when I'm thinking, like when I'm laying in bed or looking out the car window, I do math facts in my head." Then he added, "Well, not exactly math facts, but I play with numbers in my head. I'll add two numbers in my head, then add another number and on and on until I get lost!" May I just say that numbers do not come to my mind when day dreaming. My blessed boy. 

For those of you who have made my mom's Lemon Squares, I have updated the recipe to be even more lemony. As it is, they are lemony and have a wonderful texture (not gummy!) But the last time I made them I had extra lemon juice, so I threw it in and added a little more flour (Now 5 T lemon juice, 3 T flour). The result was fabulous, and everyone (this was my crowd of 11 two weeks ago) said they were the best lemon squares they've ever tasted. Simple. Classic. Delicious.

Yesterday I watched the Inauguration on television all day long. I raced out the door to pick up Ripley from school 30 minutes early so that we could be back in time to watch the swearing in. I almost kept the boys home from school to watch, but Benjamin said that the entire school was going to watch the ceremony, so I let them go. What a momentous event. I didn't want them to miss it. No matter what your political views, I hope that you can appreciate and celebrate all that our country accomplished and overcame in the election and Inauguration of President Obama. I sure can. For Ripley at age four, understanding the concept of the world, a country, a President and a government is a bit of a stretch, but for the past year I've been trying to explain it. He had a few funny lines as we watched, baked zucchini bread, dusted,  and vacuumed (during the commercials). When he first saw now President Obama at the Inauguration, Ripley said "He already won!" As if to say, what is he back for? I'd tried to explain to Ripley that Obama was going to be the President of the United States of America. Later, Ripley said, pointing to President Obama "He is America." Yes he is. And I am proud. 

What's in your pantry? And other news . . .

So, what's in your pantry / freezer? I am part way through an inventory. Things, particularly in the pantry department, have gotten out of control. I could feed my family off what's in both for months. And that's my plan! Do any of you overachiever types have the problem where you buy supplies for a certain recipe that you don't have time to make? Well, I've done that 100 too many times. I have makings for the oatmeal raisin bread I've been meaning to make for weeks (today, really!), granola makings that didn't get done during the holidays, and tons of accent ingredients that I need to make my stand by favorites -- like coconut milk, chickpeas, tuna, pasta . . . you name it, it's in there. So, this is what I'm going to do: take an inventory, create a list, and chip away at our supplies. Things have gotten out of hand and you can hardly get in there! Blush. It's not pretty.

I am feeling very empowered, encouraged and excited about our wood stove, and our efforts to conserve oil and save money. We keep our digital thermostats set at 60 degrees. In the morning, I start a fire in the stove and slowly get the temperature up. If I'm really struggling to get things going - or it's especially cold outside and drafty inside, I'll turn the heat up to get the house in the 66-68 degree range and give the wood stove a head start. (After the temperature is reached, the thermostat automatically kicks back to 60 degrees.) But, normally, the wood stove does all of the work. That means it's very possible that the house is 60-64 degrees for long periods of time where the wood stove is getting started. (As I'm typing this the thermostat reads 62 degrees.) For those of you who know me, this is amazing! Back in my single, carefree, ignorant days, my temperature setting of choice was 72 degrees! Yes, indeed. The thing is, I am actually getting kind of used to it. Now, if we weren't saving money out of the deal and reducing our dependence on foreign oil, I'd be back up to 68-70 in a heart beat. The boys often say "I'm coooolllllldddd!" and we encourage them to put on a sweater, and something on their feet. Occasionally, they put on a hat. But, I think it's good for them, and there is no need for them to be romping around in a thin long sleeve t-shirt, jeans and bare feet in the dead of the New England winter! 

That brings me to my next bit of news. Months and months ago Victor suggested that we as a family take off our shoes when we come inside our house to cut down on dirt tracking in. I'm not Japanese, never grew up taking off perfectly warm shoes, and didn't want to start. But, in an effort to cut down on my cleaning time, I've acquiesced. Now when we come inside, we shed our shoes and put on warm slippers. However, that does not mean that when you come over to my house you have to shed your shoes. I'm just not into that. As someone who likes to "dress up", when you put on an outfit, thinkin' you're lookin' pretty dern cute -- shoes included -- you should have a right to keep your "look" together. Sorry, but that's the way I see it. If you want to, by all means, get comfy and take them off and slap on your slippers. (I'm sorry, but that dress is just not going to look as cute on you though.)

Regarding my desire to exercise more regularly, thanks to my friend Katie, I've joined a local group of women who . . . run. As a group they run various road races throughout the year and work together to keep in shape and train. It's great because, like my Wednesday running date with Bethanie, it keeps you accountable to get out there. One or two times a week whoever is available can join in and run as a group. Last Saturday Katie said that she was going to run 5 miles at 7:30 in the morning -- would I like to join her? I did, and I'm so proud. It was about 20 degrees outside, so we were all bundled up. But the sun was out and reflecting on the snow and ice -- it was beautiful. 

This weekend we received more snow. We've had more snow this year than usual -- and it's been fun! The way I see it, if it's going to be cold and desolate outside, why not have snow to play in? It's so beautiful! We've gone sledding numerous times, and did so this Sunday after the snow we received on Saturday night. We tromped over to a decent little hill in our neighborhood, and as it just so happened several other neighbors had the same idea. We had a little impromptu neighborhood sledding party -- the kids had a blast, as did the parents. Good clean fun.

Kids are Funny, Mommies are Silly

Last night for dinner we had Butternut Squash Soup and Greens (from our garden of course ... still kicking in spite of the snowfall last week) that I cooked the good ole' southern way, with ham hocks. It wasn't my family's favorite meal, but they ate up anyway. (I purchased 2 bushels of local butternut squash, so I'm currently playing a game with myself -- How to Cook Butternut Squash in 1,000 Different Ways). After our dinner, sitting down at the table with candles, conversation and even a back rubbing competition -- we started with the bedtime routine. Kids were tucked in and snoring away by 8pm.

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So, imagine my surprise when at 12:10am Benjamin (9) comes wandering into our room and says "Mommy, I'm hungry!" Groggy and stunned with disbelief I say "You've got to be kidding Benjamin, it's midnight." (Benjamin went through a stage where he'd wake up in the middle of the night and come into our room to make some obscure observation, which wouldn't be a huge deal, but sometimes I struggle to go back to sleep once my mind gets going.) "No, really. My stomach is hurting I'm so hungry." Finally it starts to register in my mind. We didn't have any meat, dairy or grains for dinner and Benjamin had swim team practice that afternoon. Poor guy. He was hungry. "Uhhh, (trying to think, while still half sleeping) let's see, how 'bout the crackers that are still on the kitchen counter." "OK" and Benjamin leaves.

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While I'm typing this, I can't help but be reminded that there are so many children and adults alike around the world and even in the United States, with the economic downturn we've been going through, who are going hungry. Now is certainly not the time to go overeating while others are going hungry and food banks are at all time lows -- when people need them the most. Save money with portion control (I recently switched to breakfast plates for dinners) and if you can, give to your local food bank. A lot of people actually buy something for the poor every time they go to the grocery store. Somehow, on a regular basis, I always forget until I walk by the food bank drop off near the exit of the grocery store. But, yesterday I remembered. I'm going to try to remember from now on. Really, it's an easy one. When we shop for food, we should be thankful that we can afford it, be good stewards of what's been given to us, and remember those who can't afford to eat three meals a day. For you local folks, Crossroads RI does a great job helping the homeless and the poor. There are all kinds of ways to help out -- and they are in need now, more than ever. Be well. Be thankful.

What is Clean Coal?

The term: "Clean Coal Technology" is misleading, that's what it is. Haven't you seen that commercial jamming the television air waves talking about the clean coal technology? The ACCCE "I believe" ad? Actor's representing all walks of American life flash on the screen stating "I believe we can protect the environment", "I believe in energy Independence", "I believe we can limit greenhouse gasses, and keep energy costs affordable" . . . When I saw these ad's of course I thought to myself "Amen"! The ACCCE organization, or Americans Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity (a coalition of the top coal and electricity companies) produces these ads, and if they truly believed in saving the environment, that would be great. This is a big deal, because COAL is used to produce half of the electricity produced in the United States. And coal is one of the leading emitters of carbon dioxide. However, come to find out -- there currently is no such technology being used. Unlike, wind, solar and wave technology which has already been created and implemented -- "Clean Coal Technology" doesn't exist. And there is still a lot of debate about how to "make" coal "clean". If you watch the ads you are left with the impression that the "challenge" is how do we implement this technology on a large scale. But, "clean coal dreaming" isn't about figuring out how to tackle such a monumental implementation. No, clean coal doesn't even exist yet. Just like the car industry, coal and electricity companies use this "commitment" to the idea of clean coal technology to put off requirements to reduce carbon emissions. The frightening thing is the EPA under the Bush Administration seems to have been perfectly fine with encouraging this type of deception and delay. Currently there are no federal limits on CO2 emissions by any industry, and just last year the Supreme Court ruled that CO2 is a pollutant. Good grief. If you can't believe it -- read a USA today article HERE . How is this any different from the car industries debacle? Experts say that this technology is probably possible and could be implemented by the year 2030. Some say 2020. Now I'm all for pushing to get it done -- as we did when we decided to go to the moon. However, listening to Joe Lucas, vice president for communications for the American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity, on NPR's OnPoint, I didn't get the impression that "getting it done, and fast" was on his organization's short list of what needs to be accomplished. Listen to NPR's OnPoint or read an excerpt here. More information from Greenpeace here. Below is the "I believe" ad put out by ACCCE among others, and the Alliance for Climate Protection's new counter ad. Bottom line: Chances are anytime you use your electricity you're are burning coal via your local power plant. Conserve energy. Save money. Save the environment. Stop the "Clean Coal" myth madness. *Footnote* This is not to say that there haven't been any improvements in coal technology. It's the term "clean" people are (in my opinion rightly) taking issue with. If you said your house was "clean" what percentage of it would be clean? 30%, 50%, how about 90%? 100% Good Luck. The standard for true "clean" coal is 90 percent. What do you think? What is clean?

Your Evening Rituals

What is your evening routine? Yesterday was the 8th annual Family Day - A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children - “a national movement to inform parents that the parental engagement fostered during frequent family dinners is an effective tool to help keep America’s kids substance free.” Who knew? As it just so happens, we did eat dinner together last night. As a matter of fact it was the beginning of a new effort on my part -- PEACE. We make every effort to eat all together and have a sit down homemade meal together every night -- except date night. So, like with most things, if I don't plan ahead and get myself organized things can get chaotic. For most parents with school aged kids the craziest times of the day come when everyone leaves and when everyone returns. The biggest tool to use against this mayhem is planning and organizing -- and of course setting an objective. Now, they may have gotten a bit too carried away in the 50's with women welcoming their working husbands home dressed to the 9's with pearls and an apron with a "Welcome home dear! How was your day dear!" and a martini. However, on the flip side, what can develop over here if I don't put my mind to it, plan and organize is lunacy. I'm finishing up with dinner (or worse, just starting it), Benjamin works on his homework -- asking questions, getting distracted by: Ripley who is saying he's hungry wanting attention ... a playmate. The two boys start bickering in someway and Victor walks in. I immediately give him 12 jobs and ask him how his day was as I race to finish dinner, correct and redirect the kids, and try to smile and look cute. Now I am trying to recommit myself to having dinner pretty much ready and organized before he gets home. Do you ever feel like you and your spouse never have a decent conversation? Well, it's no wonder why! Yesterday -- for the first time in months -- dinner was pretty much all prepped and organized, the table was set. We sat down with a hunk of cheese (his parents has brought back from a recent trip to Portugal) and had a glass of wine and chatted about our days. I'd put out some things for Ripley to "work" on, and Benjamin was finishing up his homework. Wow. It wasn't perfect (there is always something) but it was pretty dern good.

Simple Living

What is Simple Living? A lot of us are talking about it ... but what does it mean to each of us? Is it going back to basics? Appreciating the simple things ... like the peace of hanging my clothing outside on a late summer day (if you haven't tried it recently, get some line, tie it between two trees and enjoy! And save money on your electric bill.)? Is it rejecting obscene materialism where mall shopping is a sport or a form of entertainment? The funny thing is, if living simply is going back to basics -- it's not what some would consider simple. For example, it's a simple trip to Walmart (eeek) to buy two loaves of bread (with a lot more than flour, water, yeast and salt in it ... is this where simple comes in?) for the week rather than cooking your own. It's "simple" to send your child to school with a Lunchable (eegads). It's simple to sit your children in front of video games instead of reading to them. I think the bottom line is ... "simple" isn't the same as "easy". If "simple" is appreciating and re-embracing life in it's basic form -- I love it. The joy of work that provides and fulfills. Appreciating the fruit of cooking from scratch, growing your own food, hanging out your laundry and reading to your children. Somewhere our society got off track in our desire to make things easier, "simpler". This was a major factor in Victor's family's decision to move to the United States from the mountains of Northeastern Portugal. It was a hard life there at that time with little opportunity to "make it" like there was in the United States. Victor has often pondered if that was a "better" choice. I am thankful that women fought for the right to work in the work place and to be rewarded equally for it. But, at some point we started to hold this opportunity up higher than all that women have accomplished for centuries. Interesting isn't it? Of course this is not just a "woman thing", it's a family thing. As a family, what do we value? What are we teaching our children through our actions and choices? Is living simply agreeing to live with less, rejecting the insatiable thirst for more that sucks you in the moment you step into the mall? Maybe it's the years I spent watching Little House on the Prairie as a child. For my entire life I've thought to myself that it was better then -- but with the knowledge of some modern medicine like penicillin. I think I enjoyed reading My Side of the Mountain to Benjamin better than he enjoyed listening to it (and he loved it). Surviving in the wilderness as a boy -- grinding his own flour from acorns! How cool is that?! When traveling through Amish Country in High School -- I was captivated by what they uphold as "important". Maybe it was the value and admiration I had for my mother staying at home with us, cooking from scratch for us (my father never understood why we would want to go OUT to eat.), making rhubarb jam, sending us out at 6:30am to pick raspberries in the yard for pancakes on a Sunday morning.

Although this verse makes so many of us feel incapable, it's inspiring -- and I love it.

Psalm 31:10-30

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

(Scarlet refers to a mark of prosperity. Purple here refers to the garments of the wealthy)

Clutter, Disposing of Disposables and Your Wake!

I'm de-cluttering my house! Two years ago I read Simplify Your Life: Get Organized and Stay That Way along with my sister-in-law Tanya -- and spoke about it at a Women's Breakfast at our church. It is a fabulous book, has very practical, realistic tools and is easy to implement. However, habits do have their way of breaking (why is it often the good ones?) and clutter has it's way of accumulating unless you go to battle against it from time to time. Isn't that the truth?! This has come up in my field of view like a banging drum set because Ripley has just started going to a Montessori school ... and if you've ever been inside one (see picture off the web below), you'll know why I've renewed my commitment against clutter. One of the premises is that children "work" best in a simple, tidy, organized environment -- who doesn't? Right? So, yesterday I went to my work against clutter in my home that's built up over the past two years. First: Toys. Broken toys. Toys you just have too many of. Toys that just don't work well. Toys our kids have grown out of. Chuck them. Recycle when possible. Salvation Army or hand down to friends, family or your church nursery those toys your child has grown out of. I literally collected three huge bags of stuff in those three categories. How about you? How is your clutter? Other areas of attack for me: "Junk" drawers / cabinet (I used to have none, now I have about four), Recipes!, Last Years school papers that I'd put aside to save (go through again - eliminate some more - then store neatly in the attic), Craft Room upstairs. My CLOSET!! (Think of the people who could use the clothes hanging unused in your closet. Send it to the Salvation Army. Or a consignment shop. Perfectly good clothing can be used by someone else. Talk about unsustainable, right?) How about you? What areas would you like to attack?

As you are going through your clutter and your home to organize and reconsider how it functions, consider examining your use of disposable anything. One blog I often check out issued a challenge to get rid of disposable items in your house. I love that idea! We can call it:

Disposing of Disposables Challenge!

Not only does doing away with disposables save the environment, it saves money and time at the grocery store! Here are some suggestions, send me your suggestions and I'll add them in! Let me know if you're committed too!

• Swiffers - Use old stained shirts and towels.
• Disposable Household Wipes and Dusters
• Take-Out Coffee Cups -- especially the Styrofoam ones!! Bring your own and have them fill it.
• Plastic Grocery Bags!
• "Disposable" tupperware and sippy cups -- invest in long lasting glass, plus glass won't leech chemicals into your food and drinks.
• Seemingly "disposable" plastic toys that people give as gifts at parties that break in less than 15 minutes. You know the kind, "Buy 100 for $2.00 ... Oooooo what a savings!"
• Bottled Water
• Sponges
• Kleenex -- use old fashioned hankies

Your WAKE. Committing to PEACE.

Another thing that has stuck with me all week is from Sunday Morning at church and a conversation with one of my girlfriends about PEACE in your home. Our Pastor, Dennis, asked the question "What wake do you leave when you go through a room?" Wake -- as in the mark that a boat makes in the water as it pushes through a body of water. What came to my mind immediately is that time zone at the end of your day when you're getting tired, the kids are getting tired and bickering, you're trying to prep dinner, ask your school aged kid(s) how their day was and make sure they are doing their homework, keep the young one out of the hair of the old one and entertained in some way -- and then your husband walks in. Not a wake of peace. Nope. More like the wake of a hurricane or an ocean liner. Committing to a non-disposable lifestyle is a lot easier for me that committing to peace. I like the idea of peace, but it sure it easy to get sucked into the chaos and join in the chorus "AAARRRRrrrrrggggghhhhhh!" Regardless, I'm committing to pursuing peace. This is all interconnected because organizing, simplifying and planning do help to create a peaceful home. Am I the only one? What's you're story?